Thinking Out Loud

I received a What's Your Word bag from the MOVE Event that contains 30 questions to stimulate thought. You can learn more on the MyIntent.org website. The question for today reads, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" I like that question. The first thing that came to mind was I'd buy the cabin or house I found in Huntsville. Both had plenty of space to have chickens, cows, horses, goats, and pigs. I'd start a little retreat school or some type of mindfulness recreation center. I'd have yoga classes where the goats could climb all over us--and yes, goat yoga is really a thing. I'd invite young women to attend and I'd fill their heads with all kinds of crazy dreams. I'd tell them that they are divine human beings with infinite possibilities and that they possess the power to be and do anything. I'd get some fainting goats and I'd make my own yogurt and cheese. I'd plant an orchard and grow a sizeable garden. I'd build ...

I watched a really cool documentary on my flight home from Hawaii. It was called Marshall and shared the story of how Truman Marshall fought for civil rights. Slavery sucks. Seriously, I can't believe any Christian nation could sanction the barbaric practice. Heck, I don't understand how any religious country could allow slavery in any form. And here's the fascinating thing about slavery. It comes in all forms. Today we may not physically enslave others, but slavery still exists in other forms. If you aren't free to be who you want to be, then I say you are a slave. You are not free. I know so many people who live their lives in a mental closet, afraid to say what they think or express their beliefs because they fear the consequences. They are afraid of being cut off from their family, friends, and "cult"ure. They choose to die a thousand deaths every day because they don't dare hurt their loved ones feelings or they don't dare pay the price for th...

Those who speak don't know. Those who don't speak know. Or is it those who know don't speak. Those who don't know speak. I like them both. I do know that the more I truly know, the less I feel the need to speak. When I was trying to figure out what I knew and wanting to believe what others told me I should, I did a lot of speaking like I knew. I guess I was hoping it would help convince me. Now I find greater pleasure in letting others speak. I enjoy hearing what they have to say and I realize that what they think doesn't change my inner knowing. I have nothing to prove or defend. My knowing sits deep within. I am able to listen. For the first time in my life I am really listening. Not just shutting my mouth while I wait for my turn to open it back up. I'm actually fascinated by how others see the world and their beliefs in no way threaten mine. I know what Lao Tzu is speaking of when he talks about sitting in our inner knowing. I like to call it sitting in my...

I had the pleasure of spending the day with the Houghs at their Move Event here in Hollywood. I came for work and reasons I can't yet disclose. Prior to coming to work at Nutra, I had never before heard of Derek or Julianne Hough. In fact, I've never even seen Dancing with the Stars . Well, I have to say I was enthralled today. I love seeing people excel. Julianne and Derek are masters at their trade. I thrill to think how all of us incarnate with different talents and skills. And it fascinates me beyond measure to think that Julianne and Derek both decided they loved dance enough to dedicate their lives to it. I think of the countless hours of training they dedicate to stay masters of their art. I know what it takes to excel. I wonder if that is why I love seeing the other arenas of interest my fellow divine beings decide to pursue. Dancing is something I was never drawn too. But watching them move made me wonder if I too could have become that good? I have no desire now. I...

What if the purpose of life is to simply transcend our differences? What if the reason we are all born into certain religions, cultures, families, etc. is so that we can rise above them? My Theory of Everything is that we were sent here to create a world-wide oneness. In my world there is no place for “God Bless America;" there is only "God bless us all." There is no “We are a peculiar people;” there is only "We are the World." The "me" over "you" or "us" over "them" mentality keeps us separate. It pits us one against another and is diametrically opposed to what we came here to achieve. I believe the purpose of mortality is to learn and grow. Of particular importance is learning how to love, serve, and bless one another. We must transcend our differences and embrace our universal humanity. We must come to see that we are more the same than we are different. Every divine soul wants to be loved, share love, feel safe and...

Tonight, Matt and I attempted to watch two shows. We made it through about 20 minutes of the first one before I had to beg to be excused. I cannot tolerate a dumb show. I have so many books I'd rather read or emails I'd rather send. Matt agreed it was worth terminating. We decided to try Movie #2 and I made it through 30 minutes. I only stayed so long because I enjoy snuggling up to Matt. I had to finally leave though because I wanted to write my blog post. I am listening to the soundtrack for The Greatest Showman as I compose this post. Now that is a movie worth watching. I told Matt I have a hard time watching dumb movies when there are so many good ones I've seen lately. I was able to watch some really cool shows on my recent flights to and from Hawaii. I LOVED the documentary on Steven Spielberg. I also enjoyed the old guys robbing the bank movie along with the story about Billie Jean King and the documentary on the Chicago Transit Authority. Again, life is too sh...

I had a Shaken Baby Board meeting yesterday and after the meeting I decided to swing by and see the Seamons. I have been thinking about them and wanting to stop by. I wish it were easier for me to maintain contact with Ty, but things aren't the same. And that's okay. But it has been a journey for me to become okay with it. Up until recently, I was sad about how things are so different, but now I realize everything is as it should be. Life has a way "flowing," and we should just go with the flow. Rebecca and Tyler were emotional. They had just received their MRI results. Tyler's tumor is growing. He has less time than originally predicted. The docs say he'll be gone before Christmas. We talked about death. He's ready and not afraid. I'm glad to hear him say that. I was equally glad to hear Rebecca feel brave too. I know Tyler will be fine. He's a damn fine soul. I would say I'm going to miss him, but I already do. I feel that I lost him a lo...

I debated whether to title my post The Wisdom of Obscurity or Quiet Strength, and then I settled on A Low Key Soul. I really like them all because each is a powerful reminder of the way I want to be. I grew up thinking everything was a competition. I not only wanted to do my best, but I thought I needed to be the best. I now understand the wisdom of just being. Life is so much more enjoyable when you aren't striving, grasping, clinging, and competing. There is so much to gain from being A Low-Key Soul. For me, being low key doesn't mean being lazy and without drive. It simply means people matter most, my possessions, positions, and abilities don't determine my worth nor the worth of others. Life is not a competition and there is an abundance of everything for everyone. I don't need to toot my own horn, or clamor for credit. I can want more for others than I want for myself, and I can be gracious in all my interactions. My son was just sharing a moment of distress wh...

Here's a thought, concern yourself with your self. Quit worrying about others or trying to understand why others did what they did or do what they do. Instead, look within and try to understand yourself. I can't tell you how many books I've read about trying to understand others perspective or the merits of putting yourself in the shoes of others. I'm not saying these aren't helpful techniques. It is good to think of where others are coming from as it can increase your understanding. But I'm discovering that actual change comes when we realize from whence we are coming. We can't change the behavior of others. And let's face it, we really can't understand their behavior either because we really can't know what they are thinking or feeling. But we can examine ourselves. We can analyze what we are thinking and feeling or simply just witness it. I have been using this technique a lot the past while and it's quite revealing. I was watching a m...

I can hardly wait to pen this post for my fingers are afire with the "Puzzling Truth." And I must give credit where credit is due for my friend Stephen Palmer stimulated so many thoughts of mine today with his morning post: The Puzzle of Humanity You should seriously go and read it before reading on as it will provide some context for why I sent this email to a coworker: Hi [Co-worker], Here is one of my friends. I forward this post because in it, he beautifully explains how I feel about truth and world religions. I was raised LDS, and am well versed in scripture. I love the beautiful truths contained in the LDS faith, but I don’t believe it is the only true church. I believe they all contain beautiful truths and that at the end of the day what will matter most is how we lived, loved, and served our fellow brothers and sisters.  It took me awhile to come to this realization for I was raised staunch LDS-- by very devout parents, but as soon as I realized it, I had to ...

I was reading a quote by a Holocaust survivor discussing the horrors of war. He talked about how there are those who wait for a savior to come, one who will end all wars and one who will establish peace. He talked about how this was problematic and there existed a better way to live our lives. In his words: The seed of this culture is the determination within individuals, and then small groups and communities, to devote our lives to the greatest vision of all time: not to wait for a savior one day to deliver us; not to wait for a government to pass truly just laws; not to wait for a revolution to right the wrongs of a cruel world; and not to mount a crusade to overpower some distant source of evil beyond ourselves. Each of us singly and with all others, is answerable for creating joy through the way our lives unfold, here and now.  I grew up hearing others "hope," "wish," and "wait" for the "Second Coming" or the "Coming of our Savior...

What if your heart were the container from whence you dispensed every act? What if all you held in your internal container was love? I imagine if your heart was filled with love, then all your actions, reactions, responses--whatever you want to call them--could only be loving. Rather than try to think through what the "loving response" would be in any given situation, you could respond in no other way than love because love is all you have to give away for that is all you have stored in your response reservoir. Your heart holdings are your supply. A loving being can only respond in love. God is love. We can always trust God to supply love from his "response reservoir" for his heart holds nothing but love. I have the right container. I'm working on my heart holdings so that my only response will be love because that is all my reservoir contains.

Hello I am telling you about the truth. All things are truthful. Bananas, flowers, paper towels (they help a lot), and last of all cats and mongooses. Today we went to Hanauma Bay. It has very strict rules that you have to follow. I can relate this to someone I know, but I can also relate this to the gospel truth. I feel like the gospel truth is not just LDS or Christianity, I feel like it is all religions, all lives, and all things. The truth is whatever YOU believe. Anywho, at Hanauma Bay we went snorkeling and I couldn’t see because the water was really foggy. So I decided that it meant I needed to change my perspective. I stopped snorkeling and played mean babysitter. I also saw this one really cool fish that I thought was a hallucination but when I touched it  I realized that is was a true fish, but then it flew away. I can relate this to someone seeing something and thinking, “is that really there, or is it something I just see because everyone else is looking at it?” I tho...

Today we went to the ocean, And that sounds like something that a normal person would do. But you know… I don’t really think that anybody is normal? Everybody is a different person and can be unique. That was just the intro. 0h boy you should keep reading for the next paragraph. Today we went to the ocean. There were many dolphins. They were very funny and had pointy fins on their backs. And from a different angle you would think they were sharks. But they aren’t. They are things that kill sharks. So you can never judge a dolphin by their fin. Third word of wisdom: the dolphins were very beautiful. They had cool designs on their back and were all in the group together. The liked to stay in a group because then they can half sleep. Sleep is fun and good, and if you ever have good enough friends to stay awake while you sleep… THEN TAKE THEM. All the dolphins were jumping for joy. They were out of the water and twirling. This makes me think… Dolphins are so happy, and if they don’t want t...

I've been meaning to post about this for some time but keep forgetting. It comes from something I read by Wayne Dyer wherein he discussed the merits of freeing yourself from the good and bad opinion of others. He said: What you think of me is none of my business I love that so much. Might I add: What I think of you is none of your business I am so grateful for a wise man who once told me long ago to stop caring what people think. I wasn't able to do it then, but today I can say that I no longer live my life to please anyone else but myself. I have learned to "follow my heart" and "to thine own self be true." I've never felt more peace, happiness, and joy. Those who persist in living their lives at the mercy of the masses will find certain insanity for "no man can serve two masters." So stop the crazy! March to the beat of your own drum. Play the song of your own soul, and bask in the liberating sound of your own symphonies! It will make...

Oh boy, Stephen Palmer just wrote the most brilliant post ! I just love what he's up to and I feel so blessed to call him friend. His post this week was all about the purpose of life. How we sometimes miss the meaning because we are all caught up in taking it all too seriously. I'm not going to paraphrase it, I'm going to tell you to do yourself a favor and go read it. And then be sure to watch the Alan Watts speech he links to at the end. Or you can click on over to YouTube here and watch it. The video isn't epic by any means, but Alan Watts is pretty fun to study as he has some very impressive points. I don't agree with everything he ever had to say, but I do admire much of his philosophy. All I can say is that I've never been so on purpose, and I feel my purpose growing stronger every day. Everything feels possible, nothing impossible. I've never felt so much power, love, happiness, confidence, and clarity of thought. The universe is an incredible p...

I couldn't write last night because I was so tired! We woke up at 5:30 am so we could drive to the Lighthouse trail and get to the top in time to watch the sunrise. It was awesome! I created a time-lapse of the event. The kids were so much fun to hike with. We are going to try to do a hike a day while here as there are some pretty awesome trails. After our hike, we hit the KOA Pancake House for breakfast. It was delicious. Then we came home and showered and headed to the Polynesian Cultural Center. We spent the entire day there and didn't get home till 10:30 pm. I was barely able to stay awake during the drive. It felt so amazing to climb into bed and lay down my head. I was out and slept like a baby till 5:30 am. I have no idea why I am so tired. Perhaps it's a wee bit of jet lag. It's 10:38 pm right now and I'm feeling equally wasted. I really was hoping to do some reading tonight, but I can barely keep my eyes open. I'll hopefully find some time to crack ...

Today was a fun day in Hawaii and while I’d love to chronicle all our adventures, one is more important to note than all others. It occurred at Waikiki Beach. Page lost her goggles when a large wave pummeled her. She and her sisters search around the surf to no avail. They were gone. She came up on the beach, where I was enjoying a good book, and vented her frustrations. I told her I was sorry that happened and assured her that it wasn’t a big deal and we could rent some other ones or buy her some new ones. She, however, could not be consoled as she was positive her day, and in fact her entire trip, were now ruined. I exercised my Buddha wisdom and reminded her of pain and suffering. I told her there wasn’t anything she could now do to bring her goggles back as the Sea Gods had claimed them and only they could give them back if they wanted and it would be in their own due time if they felt so inclined. Rather than be upset that her siblings were no longer interested in searching for th...

As you know I made some offers this week. The cute home in Huntsville countered at $687k. They threw in some of the furnishings along with an ATV and snowblower. I don’t think they are out of line, I just simply only want to put $120k down--which so happens to be 20% of $600k. So I am going to hold firm on my offer. In the meantime, I offered $600k for the Eden cabin. They countered at $749k. That’s way more than I feel inclined to pay for that property. The agent had to pitch it to 3 family members as it sounds like the children of the mother are the ones deciding. I told the agent it’s cool. I understand where they are coming from as the property has only been on the market for 30 days and either their patience or mine will be rewarded. I am learning the wisdom in not forcing and allowing the divine unfolding. I’m not sure which property will best serve my purposes so I’m okay to just go with the flow. Heck, I’m not even sure I want to own property that I’ll have to find tenants for....

Tonight Matt and I had the pleasure of attending Cornel West's lecture at Weber State University. First, WOW! Listening to Cornel West speak was inspiring. However, I'm not so sure it was his words that always did the inspiring. It was more his rhythym and cadence. I imagine the speech we heard tonight to be what it might have been like to hear the great Martin Luther King, Jr. opine on the mall in Washington DC. These Southern ministers are something else. Both were such powerful orators. Cornel is gifted with words. And while his elocution was beautiful to behold, I was a bit disappointed at his pessimism. Additionally, I found much of what he said to be like "tinkling brass and sounding cymbals" for he made much thunderous sound in the name of poverty and injustice, but he never once proffered any solutions. Tis easy to find what's wrong. Tis much harder--and so much more inspiriting-- to outline how to make it right. But I do have to give him props for his...

Life is luxurious for me lately. Why? Because almost every night this week, I have retired to my bed around 9 pm and spend an hour simply reading. I have not enjoyed such luxury since my stay-at-home mom days. I will not trade this way of life ever again. I would rather strip myself of all worldly possessions and retreat to a cabin in the woods if it afforded me the luxury of leisure time. If I had to pen prose for this principle it would be: She who has less has more. I'm so excited for Hawaii! We leave on Saturday. Just me and my kids. We have a few activities already planned, but other than that, we plan to just get there, relax, enjoy the beach, see the sites and do whatever in the heck we please. I love my children and this will be one of the first vacations I've been on in years where I did not work between activities. I'm taking my laptop because I'll want to check in with my team, and because I want to be able to look up activities for us to do, but I have no...

I love the reply Mother Teresa gave to those who asked her to march against the Vietnam War. No I will not march against the war, but when you have a march for peace, I'll be there. I love this reply because it is a classic example of focusing your energy on what you are for rather than on what you are against. I also find it inspiring because it reminds me of one of my favorite Martin Luther King Jr.'s quote: Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that. And so it is, love is the greatest agent for change. And as my co-worker so beautifully stated today: Love is the only unlimited resource on earth. Never use it sparingly. And I write all of this as I listen to one of my all-time favorite songs: Imagine by John Lennon. The lines are so powerful: Imagine there's no heaven It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people living for today Imagine there's...

I have always loved Hamlet's soliloquy, "To be or not to be." Today I was reminded again of a growing suspicion. . . perhaps meat is not for me. Alas, I am torn for I love Cafe Rio sweet pork burritos, and I love chicken, and I worry how I will ever obtain enough protein if I give it up? The awareness dawned when walking my usual route. The polygamist colony recently acquired cows and I noticed them one morning. They are beautiful creatures. I felt so sad for their plight. I comforted my conscience by reminding myself that I rarely eat red meat--like not even once a year. However, I could not assuage my guilt as I considered chickens. I eat them and pigs. Are they not as cute? I quickly removed the thought and decided I would not worry about the awakening now and would allow the awareness to grow till I could no longer ignore it. Well today I had a conversation with a world renowned nutritionist who was giving me some tips about supplements and health conditions. Sh...

There is very little we can be certain of besides uncertainty. Yes the paradox of certain uncertainty. So why do we crave certainty in life when the only thing certain is uncertainty? I love this quote by Helen Keller: Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. "A daring adventure." Now that has a ring to it. Who wants their life to be nothing. I don't know that I'm brave enough yet to crave uncertainty or favor outright exposure, yet. but right now I do want to become more comfortable with uncertainty. I've come a long way. I'm human, so naturally, I seek security. But seeking security in externals doesn't work because the driving factor seems to be scarcity. Security can only be achieved by going within, by knowing that you are enough and that you already are every...

I'm on the hunt. I spent 6 hours today looking at properties in Huntsville, Eden, Liberty, and Nordic Valley. I've got some cash I need to invest in something other than alternative currency, stocks, and the bank. I used to have a lot of real estate back in the day and then sold it all off, and I'm feeling like the Huntsville area would be a great long term play. It really is an incredible location. You have Pineview Reservoir, Snowbasin, Nordic Valley, and Powder Mountain all right there. And if you want to get to the city, you can do so in less than 30 minutes. I wasn't sure what I was looking for when I headed up today, but after spending a good chunk of time seeing what is available, I think I know better what I want. I want something I can subdivide into at least 3 lots. Huntsville requires 3 acres minimum to be subdivided so that puts me at a parcel around 10 acres total. If the land comes with a house already on it, that is totally fine so long as I can rent it...

"There is no way to prosperity. Prosperity is the way." This quote reminds me of one I wrote down in my tribute to President Monson the other day entitled His Light Lives On . "You do not find the happy life, you make it."  I believe in mindset. What we think becomes our reality. If we think we will one day become prosperous, we will find ourselves always chasing it. If we believe we are already prosperous, and we create and hold that prosperous image of ourselves firmly in mind, we will behave in prosperous ways. It's a lot like my post yesterday about relationships . If we think our spouse is selfish or unloving, we will create a pattern of interactions that reflect this belief. We will end up seeing what we believe. I have been guilty of thinking that one day I will be financially independent. When I operate from this mindset, I tend to strive to acquire more. I see myself in the parable Jesus shared of the man who built larger silos to house his grain. H...

I've been thinking a bit about relationships. I'm seeing them differently than I've ever seen them before. First, I realize that relationships are created in our minds. What we think about our relationships defines them. If I think my daughter is ungrateful, I will see ingratitude in all her actions. If I tell myself my coworker is annoying, I will find him extremely so.  And so it goes. What we think about others creates how we relate to them. So why not think happy, positive, loving thoughts about the people we relate with? We absolutely have the power to create amazing relationships by changing the way we think about our relations. Second, I've been thinking about the importance of loving the people in our life for who they are, not for what we need them to be. People need freedom to be who they want to be. If you love someone, you don't try to change them. That isn't love. Love is accepting someone for who they are and where they are right now. Love know...

I just love Dr. Dyer. He has profoundly impacted my thoughts and way of being. Yesterday I was reading his book Real Magic and I particularly loved his advice: relinquish your need to be right. Nobody likes to be proved wrong, especially publicly. What is it in you that must be right? The more peace we invite into our lives and the more we focus on loving ourselves and others, the less we need to be right. We are able to subdue the urge to correct and instead we can simply say, "I don't see it that way," or we can just think that in our minds and smile as we allow others to express their opinions. There really isn't anything worth hurting feelings over. When was the last time you felt like you won a verbal engagement? Yes, you may have made your point and the other person may have retreated. Did you really change their mind? Or did you just get them to submit because they don't enjoy confrontation or they just decided to allow you to be right. Or maybe you did...

Page told me during breakfast this morning that President Thomas S. Monson passed away last night. The realization that a great soul had left this mortal life washed over me. I wanted to pay tribute to him today so I decided I would take his framed picture with me to work and set it aside a lighted candle. It would be my way to acknowledge the illuminating affect he has had in my life and the life of so many others, as well as signify that his light lives on. Here's how it looked:   I moved him throughout the day so that I could always see him. I also spent some time reading some of his most beloved quotes. I felt his presence and my love for his great soul increased. Some of the quotes I shared with others throughout the day include: Decisions determine destiny Your future is as bright as your faith   Search inward. Reach outward. Look heavenward Never postpone a prompting We can't direct the wind but we can adjust the sails It's always b...

Here's a true principle that will revolutionize your life: No one owes you anything It is super empowering and liberating to go through your day not making demands or expecting anything from anybody. Treat everyone as the divine being that they are and give up on trying to control them, life, or anything that really isn't mean to be controlled. Life is meant to be lived, experienced, and enjoyed. Children of God were created to be free and able to exercise their agency. You only make yourself--and others--miserable when you seek to control, make demands, or set expectations.  Think about the last thing that upset you. If it was a person, what was it that they did? How would your feelings or response have been different had you espoused the belief that "no one owes you anything?" That's right, no one owes you gratitude, appreciation, help, money, kindness, or even respect. You are owed nothing by life or by any persons. If it was a circumstance that let you ...

Hello 2018! I think my theme for 2018 will be Try Everything. What exactly does this mean? Well, I want to try as many new things as possible. I want to suspend disbelief on everything and proceed "as if" there are no limits, no impossibilities and that everything I think and believe, I can achieve. I want to hold a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing. I want to continue learning and studying as many topics as possible. I want to own and acquire less material possessions so that I have more time to study, think, read, meditate, ponder, pray, serve, and spend time with family, friends, and loved ones. I want to be more still. I want to see more countries, states, cities, and people. I want to find new mentors and teachers, and I want to continue to lead, love, and lift others. I want to give away more than I take. I want to continue to work hard and achieve so that I can share my blessings and abundance with others. I want to look around and seize ev...