Thinking Out Loud

How has mindfulness practice increased your self-compassion? This was a question posed by Tara Brach today in our dharma talk. Mindfulness has given me objective vision and observational wisdom. I no longer judge people, situations, emotions as good or bad, I just observe. By observing, I realize that anger, sadness, frustration, laziness, happiness, joy, pleasure, pain, and all other emotions and experiences are universal. They are part of the human experience. There is no need to ascribe a label such as "good" or "bad" to our experiences or people. Just observe, investigate, nurture, accept, allow, and perhaps even embrace. It is what it is. How do we stay mindful? Practice. Just as a muscle becomes stronger through lifting weights, or cloth becomes saturated with color in proportion to the number of times it is dipped in dye, so too it is with our ability to stay mindful. We must train for it is natural to be loving, compassionate, kind, non-judgmental, etc. w...

Dan Kennedy just talked about his principle of the swift sword which means you should never chase sunk costs. Instead, you should cut your losses swiftly and move on to more productive endeavors. I found it interesting how he applied the principle of the   swift sword to relationships in his  No BS Guide to Time Management .  I agree that if a relationship no longer serves you, you should move on. Would applying the principle of  the swift sword result in more divorces? How many people are chasing sunk costs in their marriages? Does the fact that you've already invested so much time and energy into a relationship, keep you there long after you should've left? Would it portend a national disaster if everyone left their significant others the moment they realized it wasn't a great fit? Furthermore, is it really so easy to know when you are chasing sunk costs? How many times has something appeared hopeless only to have it turn out alright? What if you pul...

Why would anyone want to practice staying with pain? This was a question raised by another student in my mindfulness teacher certification program. He was specifically referring to the pain that comes from sitting on a meditation cushion for an extended amount of time. "Why not just move? Isn't it stupid to sit in pain when you can so easily obtain relief?" Sounded reasonable to me. Jack Kornfield wisely responded, "We practice sitting in pain because there may come a time when we cannot move." There is value in painful practice. That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do.  This lesson beautifully coincided with a lecture I listened to later in the day by Seth Godin. He spoke about the importance of training. For a person who has not trained, running a marathon is a painful endeavor. For those who practice and train, a marathon becomes less painful. In fact, those who practice and train find them rewarding enough to do multiple ma...

How has mindfulness helped you deal with pain? Mindfulness has taught me to recognize my feelings and name my pain. It has always been easier for me to recognize and deal with physical pain vs. mental/emotional pain. I am an athlete. Pushing through pain, ignoring it, or increasing tolerance for pain has been part of my daily life. No pain no gain, right? Over the years, I have developed a high physical pain tolerance. I can breathe through intense pain and even relax into it. I have learned that physical pain will pass--or at least its intensity will ebb. Mindfulness has helped me transfer my physical pain skills to my emotional/mental pain skills. I am getting better at sitting with and through mental pain. I can send myself love and compassion when the feelings are intense. For me, self-compassion is to mental pain as breathing is to physical pain. I'm still learning how to best apply these skills when it comes to the pain of others. How can I best support others bett...

I'm reading a really good book right now called Tools of Titans  by Tim Ferriss. I don't recall the individual who said it, but I've decided to adopt the Hell Yeah! principle. The  Hell Yeah!  principle means I say "no" to everything that I don't feel like saying "Hell Yeah!" to. I've spent my entire life doing things I don't really want to do simply because someone asked me to do it. I've allowed guilt, and a desire to please, or at least not to hurt someone else's feelings, rule my actions. This behavior has allowed everyone else's agenda to become my agenda. The past few months, heck ever since "losing my religion," I've decided that this type of behavior is not something I want to continue. Instead of acting out of obligation, obedience, or duty, I've decided to only respond to those calls that excite my being.  If the invitation, request, activity, belief, or idea, does not enthuse me, I don't do ...

I'm grateful this morning for the Stoics, particularly Cato's quote about why he rarely spoke. His reply: I speak only when I'm sure that what I have to say is better not left unsaid.  Cato's quote reminded me of the Jewish wisdom called The Three Pillars of Speech.  Basically, you should only speak if what you are about to say passes the following: 1) Is it true 2) Is it kind 3) Is it necessary If what you are about to say cannot pass the 3 pillars, then don't say it! These are wise words that I'm constantly trying to remember and apply. Additionally, I loved many other Stoic teachings that graced my ears as I climbed my triple hills this morning on my road bike. It was the first time this year that I pulled out Doc and pounded the pavement. Another thought I enjoyed was Marcus Aurelias's analogy of the family banquet. He cautioned against the impertinence of reaching across the table to grab the dish of food you want or serving yourself up hea...

Have you ever considered the power of pausing? Think of the benefits of pausing before speaking, pausing before eating, pausing before firing off an email, pausing before rushing off to your next activity, pausing before getting out of bed. These are just a few examples that came to mind. Some of the benefits I imagine each could have for me would be: Pausing before speaking : I might realize that what I'm about to say doesn't really need to be said. Sometimes I feel like I simply talking to fill the void. As if silence needs to be filled. Silence is beautiful. Pausing before eating : I should probably practice pausing before each bite. I know I would enjoy whatever I'm eating more. I tend to multi-task when I eat. Many times my last bite is what causes me to wake up to the fact that I just ate. I should stop robbing myself of the experiences of enjoying each and every bite. Pausing before firing off an email : This would be helpful if it was a heated exchange. Esse...

The title of this post in my mind was Half Measures Won't Do but when I typed it the title came out Half Measures Won't Due . The Freudian slip is revealing so I decided to keep it. I was accepted into the two year mindfulness and meditation teacher certification training being offered by Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield. There was an application process, and while I'm pretty sure they won't turn anyone away who is willing to pay, I was pleased that I was offered a place as a "strong candidate." When I received the notification of my acceptance, I was excited and then I was like, "Do I even want to do this?" I mean I know meditation is beneficial, but I'm more of a yogi than a meditator. I think about some of the retreats and assignments and I'm like, "this just is not my style." But then again, I haven't really ever committed myself to a dedicated meditation practice till now and I may not know nearly enough about the art to d...

I wrote the title of this post My Budding Lotus after I had written these notes following my first full 20-minute meditation session. Today marks day 2 of my 30-day practice of meditation mindfully for a total of 20 minutes. I'm giving myself the flexibility to choose to do 2, 10-minute sessions or one 20-minute session. We have been asked to journal after each session and here is what I wrote after today's session: I just did my first 20 minutes silent meditation. I used the guided meditation included in this course and was surprised to find that the 20 minutes went by exceedingly fast. For the first time, I didn't find myself wondering how much time I had left meditating, feel like I was wasting time, or feel like I should be getting something accomplished. Also interesting was the fact that my Goldendoodle decided to join me. I thought, as he snuggled down beside me, that I should put him out of the room so I could focus on my practice, but as I experienced his lovin...

I purchased the course The Power of Awareness from Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield and I started the first few classes today as I cleaned house. It has been fun to experience the evolution of my thoughts concerning mindfulness meditation practice. Initially, I found myself multi-tasking during the course work and didn't bother to stop adn participate in the meditation practices. I was soaking up the stories and teachings, but I was too busy to stop working to sit and meditate. My whole agenda was to figure out how to meditate while being productive. I'm not giving up on that quest, but about halfway into lesson two I realized that if I didn't surrender and do as Tara and Jack taught, I'd never expereince the results their practice promises to deliver. I have to follow their guidance. So I just now completed a guided meditation. It was wonderful. Don't get me wrong, I've done guided meditations before, but today's was different. Probably because I've be...

I've been toying with the idea of attending a mindfulness and meditation retreat for some time, but have shied away because I worry that I won't be able to tolerate sitting still for long periods of time. Additionally, I worry that I won't like it. So I started reading a pamphlet that dispels the myths surrounding mindfulness and meditation. All of the points are good, but here are just a few that I found particularly poignant: Practicing mindfulness isn’t about zoning out. It’s about zoning in. You train yourself to pay closer attention than you might normally be used to, and this kind of focus rubs off on the rest of your life . It can actually help you to get into “the zone” and stay there longer. Meditation practice need not be tied to any belief system. The only necessary belief is not a dogmatic one, but one that says each of us has the capacity to understand ourselves more fully, and to care more deeply both for ourselves and for others. Its methods work to fre...

Hurry! Such a stressful word. I can't think of one good thing that comes out of being in a hurry! As a young mother, I learned quickly that trying to hurry my kids only resulted in tears for them and frustration for me. Simply hearing or saying the word "hurry" causes anxiety to well up inside. I'm making a conscious effort to not use the word hurry. And I'm trying not to hurry myself nor others. When I hurry, I stress. When I hurry, I miss out on the beauty that surrounds me. When I hurry, I focus on outcomes and I'm more inclined to run over others. I forget to enjoy the journey and I miss out on the power of now as I hurry right on through it. There is great wisdom in slowing down, taking your time, being present, and ever mindful . Goodbye hurry and goodby hectic. Hello sanity, awe, and enlightenment! p.s. I'm finding that hurry can be eliminated with proper planning. I don't need to "hurry" across the street when I'm patie...

Hello 2018! I think my theme for 2018 will be Try Everything. What exactly does this mean? Well, I want to try as many new things as possible. I want to suspend disbelief on everything and proceed "as if" there are no limits, no impossibilities and that everything I think and believe, I can achieve. I want to hold a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing. I want to continue learning and studying as many topics as possible. I want to own and acquire less material possessions so that I have more time to study, think, read, meditate, ponder, pray, serve, and spend time with family, friends, and loved ones. I want to be more still. I want to see more countries, states, cities, and people. I want to find new mentors and teachers, and I want to continue to lead, love, and lift others. I want to give away more than I take. I want to continue to work hard and achieve so that I can share my blessings and abundance with others. I want to look around and seize ev...