I had a dear friend and family member reach out the other day concerning my departure from the faith. I appreciated her loving concern. I referred her to my previous post entitled Holy Treason to bring her quickly up to speed. She read it and replied,
To which I replied:
Yes, the "another article for another day"... I should probably write that as I wrote this summary blog post one year after my decision to no longer actively participate in the church. I spent considerable time journaling my journey along the way and notating the insights that "opened my eyes." Have you ever read the works of Wayne Dyer, Adyashanti, Pema Chodron, the Dalai Lama, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, Sharon Salzburg, Alan Watts, etc? Those are just a small sampling of some of the authors that touched my heart and transformed my beliefs.
It wasn't till after I left the church that I discovered the CES Letter (have you read it?) I have to admit that reading that and Rough Stone Rolling was very hard for me. I was in such a place of peace and finding out some of these things were very disturbing. It felt like a betrayal.
Faith is such a personal thing. For me, I find great power in admitting that I don't know what happens after this life. It has helped me cherish this life, right now. I've never been one to sit around and hope for the second coming, or for Jesus to save me from all my troubles. I have always found life so incredibly amazing and nothing so terribly bad or wrong with me or society that needs saving.
I believe our world is more enlightened and loving than it has ever been and that we are making great strides in understanding love and compassion. Every generation gets better and I just feel like this is such an exciting time to be alive. I have the privilege of working with amazing men and women from all walks of life--all religions and non-religions, spiritualists, "heathens" and I'm constantly blown away by their goodness.
There is truth, goodness, and beauty everywhere. It has been interesting to watch the Church progress the past few years (to say nothing of the changes over the decades). To me, this is a testament that our people are continuing to grow and develop too in their compassion and love. It's also what made it evident to me that if these men were really talking to God they would have gotten things right the first time. I understand that some people believe the brethren receive revelation the same way you and I do. If that's the case, I prefer to cut out the middle man. I honestly thought they were getting their marching orders from God. This was the linchpin for me. If they are just sort of muddling through and figuring it out, then I prefer to go with my gut as I received many of these "revelations" years ago [e.g. blacks and the priesthood. .. I was born the year the policy was changed, but I can tell you that one never sat well with me, the role of women in the church (never agreed with it and still don't), the church's position on gays, lesbians, trans, intersex, etc. --actually, I'm not really sure what their position is, as they keep changing it, but I am so glad they are finally coming around to compassion, and love].
It has been fun to watch the transformation of the church--and doctrine--as they followed the lead of our enlightened society. It has become evident to me that society has been the catalyst for change in the Mormon faith, and not God, nor its leaders. Not sure if that helps. . .
BTW, I just woke up to read one of my mentors blog posts and I feel like it makes some relevant points about being wrong, changing our minds, and making things right once you realize you were indeed, wrong: “I was wrong” by Seth Godin:
"I was wrong”
That’s a hard sell.
It’s difficult to get someone (a client, a boss, a voter, a partner) to say those three words. Difficult to say on our own behalf, too.
Which is why we so easily get stuck.
We get stuck defending what we already decided. Because it feels easier to defend than it does to be wrong.
In 1993, in my role as founder of an internet company, I rejected the idea of the world wide web. I saw Mosaic (and then Netscape) and decided it was stupid, a dead end, a technology not worthy of our tiny company’s time.
That decision cost me a billion dollars.
Within nine months, I saw what others were seeing. I saw the power of widespread connectivity and how it was more powerful than a centralized host.
It still wasn’t easy to say, “I was wrong.”
The alternative is, “based on new information, I can make a new decision.”
We can make a new decision on what’s happening to our environment, based on new data and new science. We can make a new decision on corporate governance or on a recent political referendum.
“Why didn’t you tell me that it would lead to all these bad outcomes?”
Not wrong, simply underinformed.
The cost of a do-over is often less than the cost of sticking with a decision that was made in good faith, on insufficient information.
We don’t have to be wrong. But we regularly get a chance to make things more right.
Also, I am 100% open to the fact that I could be wrong. However, I have come to believe that what is right is love and kindness. I believe love and kindness are what redeems and saves. And you and I can exercise those powers every day. If Jesus helps a person be more kind and loving, then follow Him. If it's Buddha, Krishna, Your ancestor, or your own heart, then wonderful too. And I do believe that if Mormonism is true, my parents should not worry for they are the salt of the earth and 100% faithful and true to their covenants and therefore the promise that their children will be saved will hold true. They have no need to worry.
Finally, Matt and I are in a great place. The difference in our beliefs has caused us to realize that our relationship was built on more than simply sharing the same religion. It is actually really fun to have differing views. Why would I want to be married to someone who thinks just like me? He helps me see things in new and different ways. I like where we are at. The only thing that is hard for me is the fact that if I hadn't been Mormon when I met him, I wouldn't have gotten married. I don't really see the need since we both didn't want more children. I think just having him as my current "Life-Partner" would suffice. If that makes any sense?. But since we are married, and he is a great "life-partner," we will just allow it to be and see where it goes.
I do believe people come into our lives for a reason and we should do all the learning, growing, and loving together that we can. Some relationships last a lifetime--and perhaps an eternity--and some are just for a season. The joy comes in embracing whatever time we have with those we love--right here, right now--for we never know how long we will enjoy each other's presence. The present truly is a gift I've come to treasure!
__
My dear friend replied with her testimony. I thanked her for sharing her truth:
"Hey Janelle thanks for letting me read that; I see what it means to you. Either it's the curiosity in me or the therapist but I am interested to know the "road to the unraveling of your faith". I hope you are able to navigate this "being not on the same page" time with your husband as it appears you make one another happy."
To which I replied:
Yes, the "another article for another day"... I should probably write that as I wrote this summary blog post one year after my decision to no longer actively participate in the church. I spent considerable time journaling my journey along the way and notating the insights that "opened my eyes." Have you ever read the works of Wayne Dyer, Adyashanti, Pema Chodron, the Dalai Lama, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, Sharon Salzburg, Alan Watts, etc? Those are just a small sampling of some of the authors that touched my heart and transformed my beliefs.
It wasn't till after I left the church that I discovered the CES Letter (have you read it?) I have to admit that reading that and Rough Stone Rolling was very hard for me. I was in such a place of peace and finding out some of these things were very disturbing. It felt like a betrayal.
Faith is such a personal thing. For me, I find great power in admitting that I don't know what happens after this life. It has helped me cherish this life, right now. I've never been one to sit around and hope for the second coming, or for Jesus to save me from all my troubles. I have always found life so incredibly amazing and nothing so terribly bad or wrong with me or society that needs saving.
I believe our world is more enlightened and loving than it has ever been and that we are making great strides in understanding love and compassion. Every generation gets better and I just feel like this is such an exciting time to be alive. I have the privilege of working with amazing men and women from all walks of life--all religions and non-religions, spiritualists, "heathens" and I'm constantly blown away by their goodness.
There is truth, goodness, and beauty everywhere. It has been interesting to watch the Church progress the past few years (to say nothing of the changes over the decades). To me, this is a testament that our people are continuing to grow and develop too in their compassion and love. It's also what made it evident to me that if these men were really talking to God they would have gotten things right the first time. I understand that some people believe the brethren receive revelation the same way you and I do. If that's the case, I prefer to cut out the middle man. I honestly thought they were getting their marching orders from God. This was the linchpin for me. If they are just sort of muddling through and figuring it out, then I prefer to go with my gut as I received many of these "revelations" years ago [e.g. blacks and the priesthood. .. I was born the year the policy was changed, but I can tell you that one never sat well with me, the role of women in the church (never agreed with it and still don't), the church's position on gays, lesbians, trans, intersex, etc. --actually, I'm not really sure what their position is, as they keep changing it, but I am so glad they are finally coming around to compassion, and love].
It has been fun to watch the transformation of the church--and doctrine--as they followed the lead of our enlightened society. It has become evident to me that society has been the catalyst for change in the Mormon faith, and not God, nor its leaders. Not sure if that helps. . .
BTW, I just woke up to read one of my mentors blog posts and I feel like it makes some relevant points about being wrong, changing our minds, and making things right once you realize you were indeed, wrong: “I was wrong” by Seth Godin:
"I was wrong”
That’s a hard sell.
It’s difficult to get someone (a client, a boss, a voter, a partner) to say those three words. Difficult to say on our own behalf, too.
Which is why we so easily get stuck.
We get stuck defending what we already decided. Because it feels easier to defend than it does to be wrong.
In 1993, in my role as founder of an internet company, I rejected the idea of the world wide web. I saw Mosaic (and then Netscape) and decided it was stupid, a dead end, a technology not worthy of our tiny company’s time.
That decision cost me a billion dollars.
Within nine months, I saw what others were seeing. I saw the power of widespread connectivity and how it was more powerful than a centralized host.
It still wasn’t easy to say, “I was wrong.”
The alternative is, “based on new information, I can make a new decision.”
We can make a new decision on what’s happening to our environment, based on new data and new science. We can make a new decision on corporate governance or on a recent political referendum.
“Why didn’t you tell me that it would lead to all these bad outcomes?”
Not wrong, simply underinformed.
The cost of a do-over is often less than the cost of sticking with a decision that was made in good faith, on insufficient information.
We don’t have to be wrong. But we regularly get a chance to make things more right.
Also, I am 100% open to the fact that I could be wrong. However, I have come to believe that what is right is love and kindness. I believe love and kindness are what redeems and saves. And you and I can exercise those powers every day. If Jesus helps a person be more kind and loving, then follow Him. If it's Buddha, Krishna, Your ancestor, or your own heart, then wonderful too. And I do believe that if Mormonism is true, my parents should not worry for they are the salt of the earth and 100% faithful and true to their covenants and therefore the promise that their children will be saved will hold true. They have no need to worry.
Finally, Matt and I are in a great place. The difference in our beliefs has caused us to realize that our relationship was built on more than simply sharing the same religion. It is actually really fun to have differing views. Why would I want to be married to someone who thinks just like me? He helps me see things in new and different ways. I like where we are at. The only thing that is hard for me is the fact that if I hadn't been Mormon when I met him, I wouldn't have gotten married. I don't really see the need since we both didn't want more children. I think just having him as my current "Life-Partner" would suffice. If that makes any sense?. But since we are married, and he is a great "life-partner," we will just allow it to be and see where it goes.
I do believe people come into our lives for a reason and we should do all the learning, growing, and loving together that we can. Some relationships last a lifetime--and perhaps an eternity--and some are just for a season. The joy comes in embracing whatever time we have with those we love--right here, right now--for we never know how long we will enjoy each other's presence. The present truly is a gift I've come to treasure!
__
My dear friend replied with her testimony. I thanked her for sharing her truth:
Oh you are such a boss! Love and appreciate this exchange and I sure do hope you are still practicing because your healthy perspective is so needed. Love your depth of compassion and how you can help others find ways to keep, transform, or even change their beliefs so they find peace. Peace is such a wonderful gift. I am so grateful for my life and all my blessings. I’m not sure who to thank exactly but I send out gratitude daily to the universe, spirit, God, Shiva or whatever. It doesn’t much matter to me as I’m just blessed even more in the giving. Can’t wait to see you in person again. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever met your husband or your children. And I am super stoked. Oh and babies are not nearly as fun as young adults. I genuinely enjoy my children. They are such fun!And now I have this faith update posted to my blog where I can return and read its wisdom, and others can glean any pearls they desire from our discussion.
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