Thinking Out Loud

The past few days have been epic. We went and saw The Greatest Showman and then the Broadway musical Aida. All I can say is Music Moves Me! I learned it isn't this way for everyone for my friend said he thinks musicals are unrealistic and weird, "like who really just all the sudden bursts out in song:" Clearly this person doesn't experience his emotions like I do. For me it is perfectly normal to process my emotions musically. I burst out in song all the time in my head. For example, when I glimpse the sun setting symphonies course through my mind. When I hike in the mountains I hear hallelujah choruses. Likewise, when I listen to Beethoven or the Strumbellas, my soul takes flight. I don't know why music moves me so? I don't know why others don't feel similar strains of joy deep down inside their souls? And what is it about a man that can dance and sing that is so damn sexy? I swear watching Hugh Jackman and Zach Efron filled my heart with glee. And ev...

What are you for or against? I was reading Dr. Dyer's 12 principles for becoming a spiritual being and one is about how spiritual beings spend their time working toward what they are for rather than spend their energy fighting what they are against.  The spiritual being knows that everything he hates and fights weakens him, and all that he is for, all that he supports, empowers him. I like this. Why spend your time fighting against war when you could spend your time working for peace? Define yourself by what you are for not by what you are against. I think it is always wise to position yourself positively rather than antagonistically. I am excited for 2018. I think it only fitting for me to state a few things I'm for: Love Peace Acceptance Reverence Silence Humility Miracles Learning Service Mindfulness Infinite Possibilities Imagination Creativity Creation Dreaming   Some mantras I recite daily that reinforce what I'm for incl...

Tonight I introduced my children to The Truman Show. I loved this movie the first time I saw it and I love it even more now. I've been thinking a lot about fish. Do they question the water they swim in? Do they even know they are in water when the rest of the world is on land? This concept fascinates me as it illustrates how us humans operate. Do we question the environment we are born into or do we just go about swimming? Truman lived the first 30 years of his life in a bubble. He was adopted by a corporation at birth and raised on a man made set. His entire life was programmed by producers and consumed by viewers. He was completely unaware until he started questioning. He starts noticing things that just don't seem right and he's not satisfied with the answers he receives to his questions. Once he starts questioning his world, he starts seeing more clearly and he realizes that what he once thought was real is actually all man-made. Why do I love this movie so much? Be...

Today was fun. We had a surprise birthday luncheon for Kbear. She turns 40 tomorrow. We all met at 99 Thai Fusion. I was especially happy to see Chalyce there. We were able to chat for a moment and she asked me why I was so sad. I said I didn't feel sad. She said it had to do with my business partner and when she said that I felt the sadness shoot through my body and down my left leg (which she pointed out). We talked about Tyler and what we'd been through the past 6 months. I told her I thought I was done being sad and that I had moved on. She said this was heavy and would always be with me. I am tearing up now as I recall the conversation. I have been thinking a lot about our conversation and sadness since then. I used to think sadness was bad or a sign of weakness. I'm reminded of the Disney show Inside Out where the emotion Joy is always trying to contain the emotion Sadness. But as we learn in the movie, Sadness is essential for it helps us sympathize with others. ...

We saw Star Wars The Last Jedi last night. It was epic. First, I love how they had equal portions of both men and women heroes. Ray, Princess Leah, and Rose fought valiantly alongside Finn, Luke Skywalker, and Poe. Second, I love the spirituality. Some of the quotes that I remember right off the top of my head are: No one is truly ever gone  -- Luke Skywalker If you kill me now in anger, I will always be with you just like your father is -- Luke Skywalker Our greatest teacher, failure is --Yoda You don't win by killing what you hate, but by saving what you love --Rose These are just a few of the many. I can't wait to watch it again with pen and paper in hand. I also love how Luke described the force to Ray. He said it was the actual energy that exists in all things and between all things. It reminds me of the way Dr. Dyer talks about energy and many religions talk about spirit. I also never knew that the Jedis were considered a religion. This makes me want to watch all t...

Have you ever heard the phrase "There's nothing new under the sun?" I used it for the first time today when my daughter told me that her best friend received a record player for Christmas. I used to listen to my Dad's record player and I thought it was so cool, even though it had been replaced by cassettes and compact discs.  And that is when it really clicked. Several more instances flashed through my head that perfectly illustrated the fact that there is nothing new under the sun, just a repetitious death and rebirth process. I thought of the retro Atari game I almost bought for Matt's boys. I pondered the Pride Cycle in the Book of Mormon. I recalled the Chinese who once murdered their now cherished infant daughters. I saw my mother's bell bottoms, then my pegged pants, then back to flare bottom jeans, and right back to present day skinny jeans and pegged pants. I couldn't overlook Page's new polaroid camera sitting on the couch that she received th...

I’ve been blogging every day for almost one year now and I think it might be a highly valuable exercise to go back and edit myself. What if on January 1, 2018 I went and read my January 1, 2017 entry and then either edited myself in one of two ways: 1) Say it more succinctly. I’m thinking I should try to summarize my post into a pearl of wisdom—a quotable quote that packs a powerful punch. 2) Update my thinking. It might be fun to see how my current views differ from my previous views and edit myself accordingly. Conversely, I may find on some topics I still feel much the same and perhaps even more passionately so. I could elaborate on my earlier thoughts. Undoubtedly, I’m sure a revisit would result in better thinking and better writing. I could also practice synthesizing it into one solid kernel of wisdom. As I’m writing this I now see three distinct categories emerging for 2018: Edit Update Elaborate Edit will be for making previous posts short, sweet, and succinct. Ess...

This Christmas season I’ve been thinking a lot about Scrooge from Dicken’s A Christmas Carol . I love Jacob Marley’s quote about how mankind was his business. And I love Scrooge’s declaration “I will not be the man I once was!” Both of these quotes are highly enlightened and powerful reminders of the person I strive to be. Every day I want to be better than I was the day before, and every day I want to look around for those I can serve. I find it appropro that everything in nature is constantly being reborn—our very cells die and regenerate. We are never the same person physically this moment as we were a few moments before. We have the capacity to be anything we set out to be, and we can go through our lives making others our business. We can go about doing good just as Jesus Christ did for this is the true spirit of Christmas. May we, like Scrooge, keep Christmas every day in our hearts and not just on the 25th of December.

I’ve decided to live a life completely free of attachments and entanglements. It feels so liberating! Earlier this year I was planning to invest in some property with a friend and after the whole thing with my business partner, I decided not to go in on the property with my friend for I never again want to be attached or entangled with anyone or anything. In fact, I’ve recently been making concerted efforts to untangle myself from any entanglements or attachments. I want to be completely free to come and go at will. Don’t worry, I’m not getting divorced, I am choosing to stay married because, a) I am happy in my marriage, and b) my husband and I have both been careful to keep ourselves unencumbered from one another. Having experienced divorce before, we both agreed to keep things separate so that if we ever wanted to separate it would be quick and painless. I know some people feel this is unwise as it makes it too easy to leave each other if/when the going gets tough, but I disagree...

Today was Liberation Day because I was finally able to pay off all our KFM debts. A huge burden has been lifted. My entire life I have eschewed debt and even been religious about never contracting it. In fact, I have never had any debt besides my mortgage so you can imagine how I've been feeling these past 5 months after Tyler got brain cancer and I got my hands on our books. Let's just say, it's been a bit stressful. I honestly don't know how others can live under the crushing weight of debt. I will never again allow someone else to run my books. I am so grateful for everything I learned for I can now empathize with those weighed down by debt. Not only do I never want debt again, I want to live a completely unencumbered life. I loved this thought: The coins men so carefully collect quickly become burdens that weigh down their pockets I don’t want to be weighed down with possessions nor do I ever want to become entangled with or encumbered by others. Today is my...