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Different Drummer

I love this quote by Henry David Thoreau:

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
I can't stop thinking about the beauty of those who march to the beat of their inner drum. I'm not one for non-conformity just for the sake of non-conformity, but I am for being true to oneself. Too often we do what others tell us to do or what is expected of us. Life is far more fulfilling when we create our own beat and then step in time.

Most everyone is familiar with the first part of Thoreau's quote, but I'd be remiss if I ended my thoughts there, for he finished with:

Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

I just spent the last hour in our ward's bishop's office. He began by acknowledging all the service and good I do in the ward and asked if I'd be willing to accept occasional assignments from him. He says he just feels like there is so much more good I can do. I told him that I am happy to consider any assignments he comes up with and that if it's something I don't feel like I can do, I will tell him.

He then asked me what he should tell others who ask about me? I told him he could tell them whatever he wanted. He said he felt like he knew where I was at, but I figured I'd help him out by giving him a quick update. So I expressed my reservations with organized religions. I confessed my concerns with Mormon doctrine. We discussed the essays, the CES Letters, and all the other disconcerting facts now public knowledge. He isn't a fan either, as most members aren't, but he clings to the fact that the Restoration is a process and not an event. I told him that viewing the restoration as a process is the only thing that enabled me to cling to the faith for so long before fully ruling the veracity of the church completely out.

He tried to argue about the fallibility of prophets and I agreed that they were just men and the fact that we could pick and choose when and how they were speaking as prophets is another topic that caused me concern and not one that reinforced my faith. To me, being able to treat that church and its teachings as a buffet is what had ultimately led me away from believing this church was true. If I am free to decide what to believe at the end of the day, why then limit my beliefs to the narrow confines of one religion? I'd rather reach far and wide to gather all the truths from every nook and climb to create my governing road map. And how then, do you argue with that. You can't. And that is why I respect my Bishop. He's a year or two younger than I and a feminist. Which I find damn sexy.

He admits that the partriarchy of church is highly disturbing, but he believes in a few more years it will be undone. He is very forward thinking when it comes to gender, roles, and privileges in our church governance and organization and he's actively taking measures to reverse the imbalances. He, like me, believes the church will continue to evolve and change its tone on social and political matters. I think he was hoping this would change where I'm at and lead me back, but truth be told, it just further confirms what I feel in my heart about religions being made of men.

I appreciated his inquiries. I felt they were genuine. I like him and I will try to help him any way I can so long as it doesn't prevent me from marching to the beat of my own drum and keeping step with the rhythm I hear playing deep inside my own heart. Now that I've claimed my own drumsticks, I can never imagine ever handing them back. To me, marching to someone else's beat would be worse than death.

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